Happy Pets Pet Sitting

Hi all,

Just wanted to let you know I have a small business pet sitting, dog walking, and overnight house sitting in Brisbane.
If you want to know more, check out my website, www.happypetsitting.com.au

Many thanks! :)

Tara

The Worst Deceit

I see you Monday. You have to do some things at the shops and your old house and last time we talked I told you I’d been upset by us all week. I see you and I can’t help smiling even though I’d been so upset all week. Seeing you somehow stops me from remembering all my sad thoughts. I don’t bring up my sadness but you do. It’s nice that you actually want to talk about my sadness. It makes me think you have been listening to me. I can’t remember why I was sad (being with you) but I tell you I’ve been very sad about us all week. And you try to get me to talk but I don’t know what else to say because I don’t really want to get upset in the shopping centre. We don’t talk about it for a bit and we have some light banter. We go to your old home and you fix up whatever you need and I stare out the window watching the trees sway in the breeze. I secretly want you to come up behind me and hold me and kiss me and never let me go. You do come up and hug me from behind and kiss my neck and then we sit down and you put your head between my thighs and rest there. You have taken your shirt off and I am always fascinated by your bare chest and back and I can’t help but want to stroke your skin. You ask me again what’s wrong? And I say I don’t know what to say. I’ve been feeling terrible all week and being with people I’m ok but being alone I get sad and depressed about how we are. I don’t know how this is going to work. And my sadness is from things you can’t do anything about. I would like to be able to speak to you whenever I want rather than wait for you. And we try to think about how that could work. I joke that it’ll probably be only me figuring it out but I think you took that as an insult when it was a joke. We enjoy our time together until you drive me home. It was all fine. I knew it was going to happen and then you say you’ll possibly see me tomorrow and for a second I’m surprised and happy and then I remember the other times you have said that to me and what has happened and I feel sad. I say, probably not, to try stop myself from hoping and from being hurt when it didn’t happen. And you say, probably, and I say well you’ve said things will happen before and I haven’t heard from you, and you look at me helplessly and I realise I’ve ruined the end of our hang. You say possibly maybe you’ll see me and I leave. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just trying to protect myself from disappointment if it didn’t happen. And then I realise I’m hanging with my boyfriend all day the next day but in my head if you do prove me wrong and have time for me then I am prepared to lie to my boyfriend to spend time with you because I barely get to see you and I would be so happy if you proved me wrong this time. Maybe this time. 
I spend my day wondering if you are going to text and then realise by the end that you aren’t. I say to myself, well I suppose he was busy or caught up doing something. Because I never believed you would hurt me deliberately or value our time together so little. 
The next day you say, morning Sadie, in a very not friendly way the next day and I say, good morninggg, because I was in a better mood and you ask me what I’ve been up to and I say, not much, in a small hope you might be free even though I was doing some work. And you reply, chilling and possibly doing some unpacking, and I realise you probably aren’t free and so I confront the issue of yesterday saying I was right, and your next messages punch me hard in the chest. You said, no, I made you right. And I said, made me right?

And you said, I had some free time but I gamed instead. And I felt it. It hurt. It really hurt. You had chosen to not spend time with me. That was what you had just said to me. I said, that makes me feel terrible and you said I made you feel terrible on Monday. I still couldn’t believe it. You had said the words I had always dreaded. You didn’t want to see me. And I’m not quite sure why but it seemed to me that you did it for a petty reason. To teach me a lesson? To hurt me? To make a point? To prove my harsh but true words right? You didn’t apologise. You didn’t even seem like you cared that you hurt me. I told you, that really hurt, and you said I made you feel terrible too with some comments I made. So did you do it because I said something wrong?

I asked if I hadn’t said that would you have seen me? And you said you probably would’ve seen me if I hadn’t said that. And it’s like a threat to me. -I can’t tell you what hurts me anymore because it’ll hurt your feelings or you’ll take any time we could have together away from me-

And all I’m thinking is, you chose not to see me. Don’t you realise how little time we spend together already? Does that not matter to you? I would spend every little free time I could with you. Even when you have hurt me I would still rearrange my busiest day schedule for you. I have been lying to my friends and family and to my boyfriend for you. And you don’t even want to spend time with me...😶

I can’t believe you have done this to me. Why would you do it? You say you want me to be happy with you and then you do this. I can’t believe anything you say anymore. Your actions contradict your words, quite a few times now. I have given you so many chances and even accepted that you may not be there for me when I need you. But this has really ruined me. I don’t know how to trust you anymore. 

Healing

Bruises litter her arms. Her eyes fluttered open and she found a peaceful pain that helped her remember that she was still alive.

She couldn’t understand it but she knew with certainty; she had been somewhere where someone had really pushed her to the brink. Somehow she got lucky and disappeared.

She closed her eyes and pretended she could feel the presence of every living thing she was in contact with. It clouded her headed and numbed her senses.

She was safe here. She knew it.

She lay on the soft ground with the earth gently moulding to her skinny frame. She didn’t weigh much but the soil knew she needed a soft place to lay and adjusted to fit. She breathed in the richness of life and knew she couldn’t end it now. Not now she was in this beautiful world. She curled her fingers to feel more in contact with the world and buried her fingers in the soil.

“Hey! Get out of it! Leave my soil alone! What the hell do you think you’re doing ruining my beautiful cabbages! Ahhh get! Get gone with you!” 

She looked up slowly and saw a form growing bigger and more ominous coming this way. She stared fascinated and a little confused.

“Sorry.” She looked around and realised she must have been ruining someone’s lovely produce and felt a little bad but couldn’t help just feeling at peace in amongst it all. She was sorry to slowly get up and apologised once again. 

“Well now!”

She started leaving feeling like it was the right thing to do and said sorry again.

The man looked at her skinny frame and wondered how a thing like her ended up here.

His anger dissipated and he felt a little worried at her unhealthy stature. He knew whoever must have treated her that way must’ve been rotten and he didn’t want her to leave in such a state.

“Wait!” 

She turned her head and saw him staring with pity in his eyes and she stared straight into it. She knew it. She knew what she looked like and she knew that it would make people like this. She didn’t feel anything though. She just stared blankly wishing she hadn’t left the earth.

“Come here. You look like death.”

She stared doubtfully but where else was she going to go?

She knew the worst had happened and this place, wherever it was, was never going to be as bad as the place she had come from.

He walked over to her and looked like he wanted to reach out but he restrained himself from trying to show pity. She could see his eyes struggling to lie with kindness.

“I’m sorry” she said again.

He moved closer and reached around and pulled his jacket off and held it out to her.

Her tattered dress hung off her limply and she took the jacket not as a way to cover up but just as a courtesy to him so he didn’t have to stare at her form. 

She wrapped it around loosely and followed him. He kept glancing back at her making sure she hadn’t just stopped or turned and walked away. 

Sooner than she expected she saw a small cottage. It looked neat but also a little wild. The world grew differently here. She couldn’t remember her previous world but she knew this one was different. She followed him through a small gate that anyone could jump over easily. It was white and creaked when it stuck to the ground.

She closed it behind her and he led her into the door. The house smelled of stew and she felt it create a hunger she had forgotten to feel. He led her to a table and pulled out a chair. She sat down. It was wooden but there was a cushion to make it less grinding on her bones.

She watched him as he opened a cupboard with bowls in and spooned some stew into it. 

“It’s not quite ready but I bet that doesn’t matter much to you.” 

She just looked at him. She still didn’t feel anything. She had hunger but there was no pain, no emotion, just a blankness she didn’t know how to break out of. 

The earth made her feel part of something and now she was alone in the world with another stranger. She didn’t know what to feel. She didn’t feel part of anything and couldnt steal it’s contedness and peacefulness. She had to find her own way and so far she didn’t know how to be something. She didn’t know who she was in this life or her past life. She had no identity and it was all she knew.

He put the bowl in front of her with a spoon and broke off a piece of bread that smelt fresh. It was warm and soft and felt like it would taste amazing. She dipped it into the stew slowly and deliberately. She wasn’t quite sure what the right thing to do was but once she had thoroughly soaked the bread she lifted it to her lips, blew on it and bit down into the lush soggy bread. It was a relief- the whole feeling of it. It was something to focus on instead of the emptiness of her being. It spread warmth through her whole body. It was...comforting. This small piece of warm soggy bread somehow made her feel something after who knows how long of not and it was strange. The experience helped blossom other things in her. She ate with a little more confidence and slowly began to realise that she could let herself feel emotions and everything felt new and strange. She had not realised she had closed her eyes until she looked up and saw him with his back to her stirring away and adding other various ingredients to the pot. She was glad he wasn’t staring at her. It was comforting... there was that word again. Comforting that she could experience these feelings without being subject to an audience. It was hers and hers alone. No one else could relish in her experiencing herself for the first time in a long long time. It was great and a long way to being healed. But this stranger had helped begin to aid in her recovery and her strength; Strength in herself and in her physical body. Before she knew it the bowl was nearly empty except for the last bits of liquid she could gather up without some more bread.

Not Enough Time

His hand grasps hers tightly in one hand and a fluffy tuft of grass in the other. His back is to the grass and she is right beside him. They stare into each other’s eyes. Her eyes are a supernatural green, alluring, dangerous, and otherworldly.  Her hair is twirled and twisted in and around blades of grass. Her swirling curls that are brilliantly pale orange contrast brightly with the natural green hues. She wishes he would kiss her already. He doesn’t get the hint and sits up brushing off bits of green and brown attached to his back. His hand leaves hers and he feels each tear he makes as each strand of grass is pulled away from the earth. He throws it all over her and watches as the green confetti twirls jaggedly to the ground. Her pale orange dress becomes dotted with grass. She glares at him, her piercing gaze inviting him to move closer. He pulls her on top of him and her laugh echoes around the small empty park filling it with the mirth of Christmas day.

He knows she loves him but he’s still not sure what to do. He spent his whole life wondering whether his life would just go by without him realising, like a cloud. But now something worthwhile was happening that made him want it to stop so he could continue on carefree. She is his happiness and he isn’t sure how to deal with that.

He is dying. He can feel the energy of his life slowly ebbing away day by day. One or two years from now and no one knows…. not yet anyway.

He remembers how he met her for the first time in this park. She appeared out of nowhere, like a falling star. He had no one until her. No girl was ever so vibrant, so feisty, so … her.

She had looked so confused at first. He had walked slowly and cautiously towards her and then asked her if she was all right. She had hesitated before answering.

“Alexis Tellyweather.”

“I didn’t ask… never mind. Are you all right?’

“Perfectly so for an all right person.”

“You have a weird name.”

He hadn’t meant to say it but he got his punishment none the less. She punched him hard, for a girl. He had hints of a black eye for a few days after that. Her hand was still closed as she looked down on him. He slowly moved to a sitting position as she squatted down next to him. Her fingertips lightly traced his cheek down his face. He put his clumsy hand up to retrace her line and found red staining his fingers.

“What a marvellous red!”

Her words were soothing and drove away any harsh emotions he had felt towards her. She’s still as peculiar as she was then.

Her eyes were staring directly above his and he noticed there were flecks of starlight within the lively green. They reminded him of stories long forgotten. Suddenly he saw a slight flicker out of the corner of his eye and her lips were on his. He had been so surprised he had jumped without leaving the ground and caught his foot on a root. She laughed so much she couldn’t hold herself up anymore and ended up with her face first on his chest and her body shaking from a happiness he had never known before. Soon they were both rolling on the ground hysterical. Passers-by ignored them and the world had moved on around them. They were stuck in their own little world where everything else in existence didn’t mean anything and all that mattered to him was her. And yet somehow, she beat him to those three annoyingly lovely words.

Today he had planned to tell her but she was so happy. He couldn’t spring such news onto her now. She looked down at him with those wonderful eyes and he got lost in how beautiful she was on top of him. She smiled gently and moved to his side in a sighing manner.

“What’s wrong Ian?”

He looked down, noticed his jeans developing a loose thread and started picking at it with his fingers. Knowing he can’t avoid it forever he looks up into her face and notices a sad smile.

“I’m dying, Alexis.”

“I know. Everyone is. How long?”

He’s slightly taken aback by her answer and indicates one to two with his fingers. She nods her head in response.

“Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”

This was the moment she’d been waiting for. The moment he’d been waiting for. He pecks her cheek and moves his lips slowly towards her ear and then whispers.

“I love you.”

He slips a note into her pocket.

Dear Alexis,

I need you like the sun needs the light,

I love you like a flower loves the sun and the bees, and the rain,

I think of you so much that it hurts me that I’ve hardly had any time left with you,

If only you had appeared like a falling star when I was old enough to comprehend love. It has been an adventure and I don’t know where you came from or your real name (neither do you) but I just want you to know.

I love you and I know the words are too general to say. Something anyone could say so I will write to you what those words mean to me when I say them to you. I know this isn’t the best worded love letter but it’s my first and most likely to be my last.

I love your hair, your quirky taste in colours, your very bad scrambled eggs. I love that you take up way too much space in bed and that you light candles to blow them out again and waste all our matches. Everything you do and say, I adore and treasure in my chest. So I hope that sums up what I mean when I say those words even though those few things are barely the beginning of why I love you.

Je’tadore

Je’taime

Other languages look so much fancier.

I need your laughter

I crave your voice,

I adore your addictive nature.

I don’t think I will ever be happier.

So once upon a time a girl punched a boy.

He thought her name was weird

And they fell in love.

A heart is what connects them together

And will forever more.

My heart is my life source

And it is yours to take from me.

I love you so much.

Ian.

The wind tells stories

Her wings fluttered gently in the wind as she stared at the bee. It was wondering through the air from flower to flower and she delighted in its ability to keep life flowing by just touching each and every flower with pollen. It was beautiful and strange. 

She had never experienced what people call love. She didn’t know many people though. Her skin was too iridescent and her wings too obvious for her to hang out with others not like her. Her eyes glittered with a strange violet tinge and she turned around. There wasn’t much to do but she loved it.

Her ideas were much more interesting to entertain. She saw something in the corner of her eye and heard rather than saw the movement. It was quick and she recognised her friend. It was the stone fox herself. She saw her mane of rainbow hair flowing and saw she wasn’t alone. It looked like she was dragging someone along the poor soul! She sang a note to catch her attention. Stone fox stopped and her new friend crashed into her. He wasn’t very elegant. But then again, standing beside her who could be? Her eyes stared into her violet ones and they journeyed through a few memories together and she smiled. 

“Hi Kit! Who’s your friend?”

Kit rolled her eyes. She didn’t see the need for speech but humoured her friend.

“He doesn’t know his name but I am calling him Jal. What do I call you at this moment? Have you changed your identity again?”

“I never change.” And she winked. “I go with what the wind whispers in my ear. Today is a very Viola day. To match my eyes I suspect.”

Kit nods her head and listens to hear if she can catch the winds whispering - alas that was not her area.

Her hair bespoke memories and adventure and the wind liked to fly by her while she ever tried to catch its stories. She suspected she moved too much to hear a full story. Too impatient for the story to tell. The wind often whispered slow meandering stories full of things she could not understand. Still moments that tended to mean something to only those who were part of it. She could not understand the small gesture of picking up a lady’s handkerchief as a whole start of something bigger. It made no sense; the subtlety of it. There was no time for subtlety in this short life. You want something, you need to catch hold of it and run head fast into the adventure of it all. 

She had of course learned nothing from this stranger, JAL, yet but she was still enjoying just running with him. His thoughts were scattered and everywhere but she calmed him with her own.

Viola looked between the glances they shared with each other and felt the wind catching at this moment to tell later. She enjoyed being part of the intimacy without being in it. It made her feel almost like she could catch what everyone else seemed to find. 

She smiled and closed her eyes while the 2 said goodbye and Kit skipped off with her boy.

Their happiness left a beautiful swirl of wind that she stepped into and twirled with. The feel of it made her want something like it so much. She knew it was impossible but she still wished with all her heart. She wished for the kind of love that consumed and where 2 became 1 together and there was no other but just an extension of yourself. And when you weren’t together it felt like half of you wasn’t there. 

Something touched her heart like a teardrop and her breath quickened and she couldn’t breathe. Something was amiss. She could hear the wind push a little closer to her and it felt squished like there was too much of it for how many people were in this world. It was getting more and more packed these days but this time something had changed...

Finding Your Other

There was a stone fox in her.

Her fingers breathed feathers and her clever eyes blinked and stars bloomed.

Journeys of memories fast forwarded and the twitch of her thumb turned it off.

There were too many memories to sift through.

But her mind was elsewhere.

Her wild nature was feeling a little tame and she had to run it off.

She sprinted and leapt through the long grass and weeds.

The field brushed past her in streams of sunlight and shadows.

Her touch was so light the grains of dirt she touched barely moved.

There was a newcomer.

And she sensed it.

The air shifted in sparks of excitement and the barely perceptible sounds of insects buzzed infinitesimally that much more that the vibrations of their wings felt shakier to the feel of her skin.

She went to reach for it with her mind but found nothing - like the strange emptiness which seemed to happen each time this occurred.

She had never been this close before so she quickened her pace so that she could reach out and comfort it like a child.

She wanted to teach someone new the way of the Stone fox.

There was no real definition but that she was clever and wild and had a mane of crazy thoughts flowing through the strands of her hair.

The glistening rainbow of ideas cascading through the air ever still and catching while her pace pulled her through.

She came to an abrupt stop as the wind she caught while running, swirled around her and past her. She saw the figure of a man looking around confused. Gently she pushed a greeting to his mind and he looked around in surprise. She approached slowly generating a gasp of breath from his lips.

He lifted his hand to his eyes to rub them and looked again. Her eyes never left him.

He could feel her and he didn’t understand how that was possible.

Her thoughts brushed past his short grassy blond hair. He couldn’t touch a single one but felt the beauty of something carelessly sure and wild.

She was the most raw beauty he could ever remember seeing - which, due to the lack of his memories, wasn’t saying much. However, he knew with certainty that he wouldn’t find anyone else like her and was grateful for the sight of her- his fingers itched to reach out and stroke her shimmering strands of hair.

Her eyes dared him to do something wrong and he knew not to mess with her. 

She approached him not hesitantly but cautiously. There was no doubt in her mind now that she wasn’t to teach but to learn.

Someone with no memories and past wasn’t to be filled with new ones but to teach her of the present ness of now

It boasted intimacy and naivety but also moments that were completely new. Not felt since being a child and experiencing the world anew. She wanted to learn the silence of this childlike mind. 

He felt her thoughts again leaping through different cuts of ideas. It excited him and he wanted to know every single adventure that she had partaken and knew he never wanted to leave her side.

His certainty startled him. He had no idea where he was and he was pretty sure he was usually quite certain  in the life before he could remember.

It was a blank journey that he wasn’t sure he wished he could remember. 

How did he get here?

He both felt that question directed at him and his own thoughts generate it at the same time.

He looked into her eyes and told her that he didn’t know without breaking the silence. 

She nodded. This was the way it would go.

She reached out her fingers and grasped his in hers and pulled him along at a pace he wasn’t sure he could match. He watched her mane of shimmery rainbow blonde hair gallop through the air as he stumbled along barely keeping up. He felt her thoughts always at the very edge of his own like she was holding his hand with her thoughts as well as physically. He felt the tug on both and it was a wave of tug o war between them- him weighing her down of course. 

Her pace slowed down and he caught up with a jumble of limbs barely keeping upright. She stopped and he looked around finally checking where they were. He couldn’t see over the long blades of grass all around them and he was thoroughly aware of how alone they were and how close he was to her. Her eyes darted back and forth and then stared back at him. He stared and found flecks of gold and shades of autumn leaves in her eyes. He reached out with his other hand and went to stroke her face and she leant into his touch and closed her eyes. 

He was amazed someone so wild let herself be so comfortable with him. She opened her eyes and they stared into each other’s eyes. She shared a memory from long time past. 

Her feet were cold and the snow had made it slippery for her to journey through. She started slipping and sliding as she went out onto the ice of a lake. She remembered feeling out of her depth and very unsure of how to be and wishing she had had someone with her to hold her and not let her fall. She eventually figured out how to glide across efficiently but the longing for another left an imprint in his mind.

He came back to now and pulled her close and held her in his arms though he knew if she didn’t want to be there she would run away in an instant -but she stayed. And he felt complete. 

New unwanted distractions

There's turmoil in my head

It feels amazing and it messes with

All the things I know to be right

And wrong and I can't help it

It makes me want more

And more and I don't want to stop doing

The things I know I shouldn't

It feels right but I know it's wrong

It calms me, overwhelms me, picks me up and makes me get swept away with the curling velvet waves and then creates war turning me up and over and upside down and

I don't know what to do to make it right

Because it goes over and over and over

Again and I can't stop the tumbler turning

And I can't end what I love